I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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