I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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