Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
