Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
