i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
