your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
