let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
