And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
