Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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