You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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