it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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