I hate your face
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
