based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize