Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
