Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
