Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
