R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
