Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize