worst night to have a conscience
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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