piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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