Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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