I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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