I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
