dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
