I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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