At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
