Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
