I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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