Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
