wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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