every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
