Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
