Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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