I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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