sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
