Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
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