He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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