Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
