i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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