Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
