I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
