I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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