I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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