you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
