Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I stole a fireplace last night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
