Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can you bring me the toilet please
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
