Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
