Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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