Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
