I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
