Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Terrible idea I love it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize