So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
