this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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