I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
