I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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