so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
