He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
