Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
