Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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