I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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