I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I party with great urgency now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
