if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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