Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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