I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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