im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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