chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
