An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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