I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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