I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
