Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm at about main and main street
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
