I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize