I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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